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Breath From Another - rancidpunks

Jun. 14th, 2005 08:11 pm Breath From Another

Last night he says
" I wish he would just tell her that he wants her. I think she's the one that's forcing the just friends thing and that he wants something more..He's GOT TO TELL HER. I was in that situation once too with that other girl. She forced the just friends thing. He should really tell her."
I sat back..Eyes closed..Wondering why he felt so strongly about him telling her..Then I thought wow. He probably really regrets not telling the girl he was speaking of that he wanted her. Does he still think about her a lot? Am I not good enough...Am I just the one by his side because the one he really wanted..He couldn't have?
then guess who we run into!
god really does have a sick sense of humor.
she's right there..And I thought..That's odd
..His expression..Was one of happiness. I sat..Silently observing, watching his face light up.
how come I don't get that kind of reaction?
I wanted nothing more that to run...And hide..And cry..
sometimes I'm so emo. It probably had something to do with the state I was in at that particular time.
obligation. Maybe that's all it comes down to now.
time.effort and feelings..There all here.maybe he's staying out of obligation maybe he thinks I can't take care of myself that I need him and that he would feel bad leaving. So he stays. Am I keeping him against his will? Am I pushing things unto him that he's not really willing to have?
am I just a burden?
unworthiness. Why is that a feeling that never ceases to exist within me? Why is it so hard for me to make him happy or feel like I make him happy. Why cant I ever believe it when someone says they love me..
perhaps because I still haven't learned to love me. And if I can't love me how could I expect someone else to.
I'm probably just crazy though..That's probably all it is..That's all it ever is.
will this love affair with self-worth ever be over?

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